Fisticuffs at 40 Feet
I have been quiet here for a week. I have to admit that it is not for lack of trying. I have been writing, but my thoughts have been scattered, and my ability to concentrate has been disrupted to the point of debilitation. So, in order to get back into the swing of writing again, I am going to start by explaining what happened.
Last Thursday
(February 21st) at work, a member of my crew punched another crew
member in the face. It was an intentional physical assault, and full
on fight broke out. They were on scaffolding with 5 other crew
members trying to separate them. It was ignorant, brutal and very
dangerous. Ironically, it was also right after my post about dealing
with difficult people.
The result: one crew member was
hurt, another fired, reports were filed, and it was a source of
gossip and speculation all over my job-site for the past week.
As the fight broke out, I ran toward the uproar. I shouted a great many orders, took command as best I could, made it clear that this was an intolerable circumstance regardless of any perceived provocation, and that someone was no longer working on that site (or for this company), and needed to leave now, as they were trespassing. I went into crisis management mode, and had most of the crew working again within 5 minutes, before I went around the corner to shake.
Immediately I began to feel some responsibility for the incident. There were warning signs. My position doesn’t grant me a great deal of authority to remove people from the job, but in retrospect I wish that I had done more. To be completely honest, I didn’t really have the authority to dismiss them when I did, but I took it anyway.
For my own part, I am not someone who responds well to violence. It throws me off. I have a history, and it includes a long list of things I don’t like to talk about. (This is why we have therapists!)
When this personal trauma gets kicked up by circumstances, it is like so many eels in the mud; it starts to move in the corners of my mind and the uneasiness draws all my focus until I have the opportunity to process things and finally calm down again.
And that is what I have been doing this week.
In the past, I would just take some personal time as these things come up. I mean, if I take a week or two and don’t edit a video or record any music, that can be alright. For the most part I work on my own timeline. Or if I have promises to keep, I could function on auto-pilot, and maintain a reserved countenance. Unless someone is very close to me, most people wouldn’t really notice. But having a regular deadline has made the effect much more obvious. I am aware that I shut down in a way that has never been quite so pronounced to me before. It has given me something to think about.
In the ensuing time, I have been making an effort to find something to say. And my internal dialog keeps coming back to questioning why anyone would care to read it. My internal sense of criticism is both deep and harsh, and can be unrelenting. And it has been stirred by the belief that I should have done more to prevent this. “What the hell do YOU know about managing difficult people, if you let THIS happen?”
Finally, I have to remind myself that one cannot pull on flowers to make them grow. I am going through a process too, and it may be messy. But that is how we learn. So I have taken some time to process, and put things in perspective.
During my search for that perspective, I recalled a similar incident. This recent event closely mirrors something that happened 19 years ago, when I was just starting out as an apprentice bricklayer. My second day on the job, two laborers got into an argument on the scaffold, and it erupted into a full on brawl. One literally tried to throw another to the ground from 40 feet in the air. It was reported as an assault, but could as easily been characterized as attempted homicide.
And looking back, I never blamed the foreman. How was he to know someone was going to lose their shit? He handled it professionally. I have no idea if the memory of every conversation with perpetrator of that long ago assault still bothered him days or weeks later, as my recent interactions with an assailant have been bothering me. I do remember how everyone was shaking afterward. Much as we all were last Thursday.
How does this relate to art? Well, aside from the obvious, that we make art to process grief, or trauma, or to celebrate change, there comes a time in the creative process when we find ourselves dealing with the unexpected.
Rolling With the Punches
There are times when making art that something will happen that threaten to derail the entire enterprise. The chances go up, the more people you are working with. I can think of several we encountered over the years. None of them were violent, but all of them were hard.
There are moments that leave the cast members shaking. Everyone excited and distracted. People so on edge that they are ready to throw their hands in the air and run out the door, because this was supposed to be fun, and somehow it turned out to be hard!
And at those time, that is when leadership matters. You run into the fray. Provide context and direction as quickly as possible. That is what people need. For example, if someone who your crew is counting on (like a principal performer) isn’t going to make it, come up with an optional fix quickly, and relay the plan. Pick an understudy if needed, let them be on-book if required, get them a costume and be ready to roll. On with the show!
The same principal applies for whatever circumstance arises. Barring a traumatic injury or tragic event, find a path forward and present it as a plan. It doesn’t have to be a good plan, as you can adjust, but it has to be immediate. A rapid response, with a focus on moving forward is key to re-instilling confidence in your team.
At that point, if you have fostered open communication, everyone will shift to “problem solving” thoughts, and will start to share their own ideas about how to proceed. Five minutes of conversation and everyone will be adjusting to the new reality.
“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
I used to read that quote and think that it meant that when things become skewed, those with a skewed perspective might imagine a method to profit from it, turning “pro”, so to speak. Perhaps that is one meaning, but lately I find a more satisfying interpretation in the idea that those who have a history of dealing with circumstances going awry have the ability to compartmentalize and function through future traumatic events, and process the stress at a later time. They put on their “pro” face, and wrestle that many-headed-heinous-fuckery into submission.
Which is what I suppose I am doing now. It got weird. I dealt. I processed. The show goes on.
Because when the show is over, and the costumes are packed away, that is a time to process. To celebrate and grieve. That, to me, is the big take-away. Plan your time to process. And in the event of a traumatic event, take the time to process. Certainly there can be celebrations in having achieved something, even if it is just making it through another day. But do not neglect a quiet space to meditate, and put things into order in your mind. Treat yourself as well, with kindness and patience.
I realize that I never really addressed that inner critic, the one that asks why anyone would read this. I guess I came to the conclusion that you will stop when you want to. you are adults, ans all. And I am simply going to appreciate that I am getting something from writing it.
I will close with the opposing corollary to the above quote.
“When a wise man is tired, he rests.”
– Lao Tzu